He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
