My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
