I got chris browned last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize