my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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