Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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