Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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