I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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