in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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