Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
