k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
