i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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