Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize