I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
