I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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