I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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