The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so much tequila, so little girl.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
