I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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