why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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