I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
