did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize