phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
