Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
