Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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