you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
