that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
