it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
