If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
