I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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