apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
