gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
