No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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