found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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