Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
