I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
