Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
