Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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