I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
