He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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