If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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