So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
