WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
