My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
