before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
