I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize