Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i believe in u and ur pee
last night I used snow as a chaser
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
