Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
