Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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