My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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