I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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