i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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