I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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