ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize