You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
