Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
