I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
