At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
