First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize