he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
