I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
