Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
