woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
