I want to stick my p in your. b.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
