this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
