love makes seman taste better
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize