Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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