Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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