I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
