but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
