Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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