My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
