Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
