i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
