sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
