So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Found your dick twin last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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