im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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