I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
