I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
