My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize