found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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