Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
