My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Your dad touched me again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
